When things are still holding together, it can be hard to admit you need treatment.

When you’re a high-functioning addict, it can be easy to deny your disease. After all, things aren’t falling apart. You still have your job, your family, your nice house — from the outside everything looks great. Maybe you’ve wondered if you’re drinking a bit too much, or you spouse has said something along those lines. That might be enough to get you into treatment, but to really better your life you need to accept your disease in order to change.

It can be tempting to think that once you receive treatment for an alcohol or substance use disorder, you’re cured. However, as most people in recovery will tell you, maintaining long-term sobriety takes consistent dedication and effort. One of the things that can help make the process easier (and ultimately more rewarding) is to incorporate a gratitude practice into your daily routine. In fact, studies show that people who practice gratitude consistently reap a host a physical, psychological, and social benefits, including lower blood pressure, higher levels of happiness, and reduced feelings of loneliness and isolation.

The aphorism ‘blood is thicker than water’ reminds us to prioritize family.  When it appears that people choose drugs and alcohol over family doubt reverberates through the deepest truths of human bonds.  We become so focused on how someone could choose drugs and alcohol over family that we miss the bigger question:  Why is someone in a position to choose drugs and alcohol over family in the first place?  Often, people are issued an ultimatum something to the effect of: “It’s us, or the booze.”  Rather than reflecting a corrosive character defect in the so-called “addict,” the answer to why people choose drugs and alcohol over family may instead lie, at least in part, at the hands of those who issued the ultimatum in the first place.

Rejection—it’s so personal. It sticks to our souls. It does not respond to reason, and is not easily dislodged from our hearts. We can try to talk ourselves out of the indictment that comes with it, but the words we use are mostly ineffective, reinforcing our shame. I have experienced all sorts of rejection. I still feel the sting of certain family members not ever returning my phone calls and good friendships that are no more. I have heard things like, “you are not a good fit for our small group” or “since you homeschool, we didn’t think you’d fit in with us.” These words pierce. There is a finality about them. They do not leave room for further conversations.

All healthy relationships are based on respecting other’s rights. When we respect each other’s rights, we are recognizing our boundaries. Boundaries are guidelines that define what we feel are permissible ways for other people to treat us. Most of the time we don’t acknowledge or think about it, but these boundaries operate beneath the surface of our relationships – even how much physical space we keep between us, when it is appropriate to touch someone, when and what favors to ask someone, what kind of information to share with another, etc. Some of these things are embedded in our family and cultural background, explaining the importance of understanding expectations when we deal with people from backgrounds different from ours. But even when we are dealing with shared expectations, problems can arise.